Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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