Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
