My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this just has baby written all over it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So squirting runs in the family.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
