You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
