Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
