I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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