Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
