Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
