Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
