Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
