I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
