Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
