A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
