I love black thongs
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
