Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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