just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize