My sheets look like a crime scene.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
