Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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