If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize