I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
