Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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