Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
