Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
