brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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