the day after is always just damage control
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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