Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
organizing the empties. That sober.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
