so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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