the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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