I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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