Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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