she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
