cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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