The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
