so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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