I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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