you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
