We're facebook friends in real life
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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