so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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