So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
