what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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