Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
