Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
