it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize