I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
