I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
