where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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