idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
