she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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