Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
