GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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