he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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