I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
