Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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