Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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