heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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