I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
