East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
