wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
