Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
