I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
