I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
