He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
