I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
