Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
