Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
