3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
