dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
