hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
