Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
did i just pee glitter
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
