I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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