his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
