I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
