I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
