Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
