I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
