I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
