I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
