cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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