Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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