im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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