My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
