Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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