So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What a dumb baby whore.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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