So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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