is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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