i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
