i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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