it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
