Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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