you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
