ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
