we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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