What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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