Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
