I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
