i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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