You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
