last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
