P.S. I can't hear my feet
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
