she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
