Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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