the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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