A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
