I CAN MOONWALK!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
