Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
