I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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