this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
