It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
