So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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