Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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