i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
